Confessions on Timing
Good morning dear readers,
I have a confession to make; it is not Monday morning right now. It is Sunday morning. Like I mentioned last time I wrote, the rhythm is changing. I am finding myself more inclined to write at odd times. I am not sure why but I am going with it. I know that part of the charm of the Monday Morning Notes has been their spontaneous quality (typos and all), writing from the heart of the moment on what has been always a Monday morning. And now, what I am proposing, I realize, is kind of a big shift though the results may not be terribly noticeable. I am still proposing to share the spontaneous regularly, but to allow the moments shared to span the week.
I am still committed to writing from the moment but I am balking at what has become a kind of pressure on Mondays. An internal pressure to be sure, but then the dialogue between the internal pressure and the external pressures, this is something I think of more as “timing” rather than rhythm. This brings up so so many questions and curiosities for me. Of the many natural rhythms that govern our civilization currently, the 7-day week isn’t one of them. In fact, 7 days has only the merest relationship to the natural world in that, the names of the 7 days of the week were called after the at-the-time 7 most prominent observable celestial bodies. Other than that it is arbitrary.
So, then, this question of what is “timing” and what is “rhythm” and what is a healthy relationship to either of them. Rhythm seems easy; it is a relationship to the natural phenomena of your own body and the world around you. If you stick to the “natural” (defined as things that occur without your permission or volition) then this relationship becomes one of listening and receptivity, one of acceptance and allowing. When you add choice to the equation, however, now I say you have something more accurately called timing.
Timing is always the epitome of choice, even when there are many choices and many choice-makers involved. This can make the whole thing tricky. The weather makes it tricky to decide when to put the plants in the ground. The people around you make it tricky to decide what you would like to do for dinner. Timing, which employs both vision and stratgey, muscle and mind, can provoke both the worst and best of our talents.
The question I often have to ask myself, though, is am I making it trickier than it needs to be? When I consider the question of timing with myself, my body, my endless projects or chores, I become aware that I can really overthink the whole thing. The result of all that thinking is a feeling of pressure building up, not to mention that then navigating the timing and the rhythm together can get very complicated, especially emotionally, trying to tabulate all that I want with all that others might want from me, all that the world is asking for with all that I want to do.
I yearn to make it simple. Simplest way to make it simple seems to be returning to my body, to let my body be my guide, my very own celestial body.. The language of my very own celestial body is sensation, most often called pain. Many of us including me have tried many ways to interpret the sensations of the body but the truth is they just don’t speak English. Or French or Russian or Chinese for that matter. Bodies speak sensation. A true sensation or perception has no words. The words come after the experience, milliseconds after, but still after. So a big part of learning the language of the body is giving up the demand for words.
I haven’t given up. I attempt almost every day to put words to my sensations. Yes, my mind still wants them, craves them, in fact. Most often I call that poetry, the words that aren’t words in the end but the provoked experience, the sensation of a moment. But what I have also done is practice letting the sensation emerge on its own first. It isn’t easy. I get excited and I want to start writing or pick up my camera, go drink some water or eat some food.
But in that moment, a moment of sensation filling the luminous egg of body, mind and spirit, there is knowing, mysterious but clear that can arise. That knowing may never coalesce as words, as names of days, birds, plants or people, but it will point me to what is alive, what is vital, what is calling to me without hesitation. I can still balk. I can still resist, insert thinking, move without regard. But, as I say here over and over again, my health comes from the power of the choice, the awareness of whether this is the right time or the right rhythm to heed at the moment.
I have, for the last week or so, been writing as part of #1000 Words of Summer. Today the note for the day was right on this topic and it inspired me to come here and write this post. From Julia May Jonas, the guest writer for today’s CraftTalk post:
In my work as a playwright and theater director, there is a very commonly used note I will sometimes give actors if a scene is not working. The note is that the actor is playing the end. That means they are ahead of the moment to moment work—they are already angry although the fight hasn’t started, already devastated although the truth has not been revealed. They have already decided on the outcome of the scene. They are not letting themselves listen and discover and be surprised by their fellow performers, and the result is canned and tedious work that neither the actors or the audience enjoys.
She calls this pacing. To me, this sounds exactly like what I am calling timing. And I love what she says here about being ahead of the moment, anticipating, thinking rather than listening. So, today, I listened, went for a walk, took some pictures and came into my office to enjoy putting these thoughts here for you. It won’t arrive until Monday. That is a great boon of this online situation, allowing me to bring you into my Sunday and still make this a Monday Morning note. 😊
P.S. Notes in July may be sparser or even absent due to a month of travel. Still, I want to leave open the possibility that I will jump in and share when the moment appears, so know that I’ll be thinking of you and sharing when I can. In the meantime, I do so appreciate when you read, comment and share any of these notes!