Postscript to a Rat's Nest
and messy, tied-up rightness
Good morning! (And yes, technically it is no longer morning where I am, but I plan to carry on in the tradition of one my most beloved teachers who offered “good morning” no matter what time of day it was as a way to remind people that the sun is always rising somewhere…)
I’m pretty sure that the words “rat’s nest” will conjure an image for you of big entanglement, something almost impossible to unravel. Contemplating entanglements, is one of my favorite ways to play detective, and it can take up good amounts of time. How to untie them? How to not tie myself up again? Where did this start? How will it end? Questions are so tantalizing and in fact, they serve my purpose much of the time. This morning, however, as I watched my car get towed away due to the loss of the power steering most likely due to another rodent again choosing to inhabit my engine, I really began to wonder, are these questions any help at all.
Practically speaking, this newest nest was nothing comparable in scope to the last one. I made myself give it a good look. It was sitting right atop the engine block right beside the rodent-repelling ultrasonic sound box. In those moments while I stood deep in my feet, willing myself to bend over and really look, a kind of warmth, even compassion began to fill my chest. This animal was just trying to live in this world, this very messy, very tied-up world.
When I say tied-up, what I mean, is “tied” to ideas, ways, even things, things that might identify a person, a place, a relationship. These so-called “ties” are binding, chafing and yet, they are also comforting, offering the illusion of security, of knowledge, if not wisdom. And strangely, very strangely, as I felt past the annoyance, skittishness and awe, really, I could begin to feel something I can only call the rightness of the whole situation. This is surprising to me. What is this rightness? The rightness of a big mess??? How could that be right? Am I meant to be a mess?
I never know when I start these posts, these fresh from the driveway with the tow truck type of posts, where the whole experiment will take me. Now, unexpectedly, the feeling of rightness arrives. This is not something I can define, as in right and wrong, it is not something I can describe as in black or white. It is, instead, like a presence, like a strong hand on my back, a tall drink of water. Now the mess seems the perfect place to be, the exact right place, not necessarily a convenient place, but the right place.
Things will untie themselves. Things do untie themselves. And re-tie themselves. And untie themselves. Again and again. This is the rightness.
