Waiting for the Hummingbird
or the morning after a FB hack job...
Good morning!
It is the last hour of the morning and I have repaired to the deck to bake in the sun. I am exhausted and frazzled this morning having spent the weekend in the aftermath of being hacked on Facebook. I couldn’t have imagined the impact. A little bit like being hit by a truck, I’d say. Though I don’t necessarily treasure social media or time spent there, I do like to feel connected. And what I love is the sharing of things of benefit, things of inspiration and connection. This I truly appreciate.
Meanwhile, it is true that I have been lax, lazy even, about new passwords and protection for my online presence. I couldn’t or didn’t want to imagine the potential for this kind of crime. But, you see, that is just it, I didn’t want to imagine “crime” at all. I didn’t want to think about the ways that people use the internet to promote their own ideas and ways of being in the world in exactly the same way I imagine my own. There it is again!
What I am pointing at is not that I want to blame my own ignorance and laziness for this sad affair. Instead, what I want to highlight is the fact that my own unwillingness to see the potential for crime and ugliness got in the way of my own potential for beneficial dissemination of my own ideas and ways of being in the world. The hacker succeeded for a moment in their way and I was prevented from proceeding in my way. I was sat back on my heels so to speak, speechless and helpless in the face of a determined aggression. I kept saying to myself and everyone else, “what a moment!”
What a moment for re-evaluting. What a moment for re-assessing priorities. What a moment. Any crisis can act like this, precipitating reflection and even integration of things that have been brewing all along, things that want to come forward despite our habitual or ingrained ways of being.
So, all of that to say, I am glad, despite all the devastation, confusion and aggravation, that it was me. Yes, you heard that right. I am glad it was me. There are so many ways that I am glad it was me that it is hard to know where to start. First of all, I’ve been in a process of clearing the ground for some new ways of being in the world for myself. I have been making a concerted effort to find ways to clarify my purpose here in cyberspace and on this earth. This is a new endeavor for me.
I know that might sound strange to those who have known me because I think it is possible that from the outside these things were clear in some ways, especially to others. But from the inside, things were not clear. I’ve been in “business” for myself all my adult life. Literally in one form or another since I was 22 and I am turning 62 in a few weeks. I have answered the call for healing myself and sharing that path of healing with others through massage, Chinese medicine, meditation, essential oils, herbal medicine and food (lots of lots of cocoa!). But what I have not done or devoted myself to until recently, despite many words to this effect and many attempts to get here, is to make my purpose creative.
To be clear that is certainly not to say that what I have done was not creative. All endeavors can be creative in one way or another, not the least of which is medicine. But, to build the structure and shape of my days and my work around the imperative to produce something in writing, this I have not done yet. Actually, I began to do that when I began this writing on Monday mornings. And with your presence and your support the energy and flow of these Monday mornings has gathered momentum.
It has gathered a kind of momentum and purpose of its own, in fact. To share the power of choice, the potential for relating with health on all levels as a place where choice has positive impact and to share the choices that are available even when they are not easily obvious, this has become the purpose here. This purpose feels strong and clear.
Now, however, I am making the move to a new structure in my work, one that will support time for me to write and to collate, integrate and produce something that can stand on its own in the world, something that can stand without me. So, another reason I am glad it was me; just like the wrecking ball, it took down a corner of the old building in no time flat! Couldn’t have asked for a cleaner cut really. In fact, Facebook has severed my personal identity from my business identity in one fell swoop. How easy is that?
Gone is the reason to even think of myself and my business as separate entities. I know, I know, professional boundaries and all. But, in reality, these things are never separate except in our imagination. Now, I am imagining myself in a whole new way. Refreshing. And still exhausting.
So, the hummingbird has been here twice already, but I’ve been too absorbed in writing to pick up the camera fast enough. One has to be so present and patient to have that moment with the a hummingbird. But what a moment! Hot, still, celebratory even, writing to you…
And I have literally missed getting the hummingbird three times now, but I have seen them sipping away while I am writing at this very same location. Maybe next week. 😊